It seems that if you have a computer and can manage to work Internet Explorer (otherwise known as "the internet" to many of you) enough to get a Yahoo Mail account and 30 annoying toolbars installed, you also have a Facebook account. Now, you might not be able to get a picture into your profile, but somehow you can figure out how to SPAM my Facebook with pictures of cows that wandered onto your farm. These are generally the same sort of people that send personal messages by writing publicly to your wall.
Facebook is both good and evil wrapped up into one. It's super easy to find and keep in touch with people that you haven't seen in forever. Unfortunately, it's also super easy for people you probably didn't ever want to talk to again to find you. I tend to go the "total bitch" route and don't friend anyone that I don't actually want to talk to.
It's a constant barrage of polls, video's, links, weak political protests via some sort of collection of signatures, games, and my new favorite: warnings about how people are using Facebook to scam people or infect everyone with herpes or whatever (I don't actually read anything in all caps, so I'm not positive what they are complaining about).
Some tips to not annoy everyone you know on Facebook.
1. I don't need a status update every 5 minutes. If by your status feeds I can tell how many times you've been to the bathroom today, just turn the computer off and never ever turn it back on.
2. I don't need to know if you need help with your farm/mafia/vampires/racecars. I actually play MafiaWars, and I still don't need to see it on my news feed. If I want to know, I'll check.
3. Polls. Please don't send them to me. Unless the poll is : How much of an Asshat on Facebook do you think I am?? I am not interested.
4. Politics/Religion. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions, then don't post. When I'm in the mood, I might just ruin your night by pointing out how wrong you really are. Then you have to go and cry yourself to sleep after resorting to calling me baseless names. It's not worth all that is it?
5. Quizzes. If you like them, fine. Some of them are interesting and/or funny. If you post one every now and then, that's OK. If you do 14 quizzes a day, can you please not post them? I'm not really all that interested in what Twilight character you are most like or what Celebrity you are most likely to have hot sex with. Honestly, you don't have a chance at either anyhow.
6. It's great if you have a cool video to post. Sharing is caring! However, if you post more than 1 per week, it's too much. If you are posting advertising for you company, even 1 per week is probably too much. Just stop, eventually we will all just end up hiding your updates and you will be left wondering why no one ever comments on anything you post. You will become horribly depressed and the only video you will have left to post is your suicidal note. And no one will see it.
Try to remember, all those people you call your friends have to see the bullshit you plaster all over Facebook. A little consideration would be nice.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Disasters and the Apocalypse
I love horror movies and all those disaster movies where they destroy everything. Watching them often makes one wonder: How would I survive in this situation? For me, it would totally depend on several factors I think.
Typical Horror Monster/Slasher Flick!
I tend to think I would have a 50/50 shot at this one. I'm smart enough to avoid a lot of the stupid crap and not get killed because I'm busy making out with someone instead of getting the hell out of there. I would tend to go away from the danger, not towards it, and I don't think I'd ignore all of the obvious signs that things are going badly. However, if it was bad chance and it were just me versus the bogeyman, I don't think I'd have much chance.
ZOMBIES!
There are two distinct type of zombies. There are the slow, meandering zombies that only eat you if you are A. napping, B. in a coma, C. caught by a whole swarm of them, D. trapped in a corner. I tend to think I could probably work this one out. Kind of like Shaun of the Dead, they really don't seem that hard to avoid.
Then there are the fast rabid zombie types, as in 28 Days Later. I'd be completely doomed here. No chance. I'd be either a pile of somewhat human resembling remains or a zombie myself.
Giant Monsters attacking the City!
This is the Godzilla/Cloverfield type creature. I'd put my odds at a good 50/50 here as well. Bad luck if Godzilla rampages through your apartment, not much you can do about that. But I'm pretty good at getting the hell out of cities on foot if need be. So I think I have a chance.
Apocalypse.
50/50 once again, just for the fact of not getting killed in the initial wave of destruction. Afterwards, it's usually about survival. I put my odds fairly decently on that one if surviving to that point. I have a lot of endurance when needed.
Alien/Robot Invasion.
Probably goes down to a 20/80 here. Curiosity would totally kill this cat. I'd just have to take a look at what the hell was going on. I'm not good in a fight either and don't know how to use any weaponry to speak of. The only way I'd make it was if luck was on my side.
Natural Disaster.
70/30 here. This is primarily about survival and not being stupid so I think my odds are pretty damn good.
Military Strike!
10/90. Myself versus someone with a gun. That is the same as "Me equals dead".
Viral Outbreak.
40/60. There's only so much you can do about these things. I think I have a pretty good immune system and have decent odds. I have three kids and have been exposed to an untold number of diseases already.
Typical Horror Monster/Slasher Flick!
I tend to think I would have a 50/50 shot at this one. I'm smart enough to avoid a lot of the stupid crap and not get killed because I'm busy making out with someone instead of getting the hell out of there. I would tend to go away from the danger, not towards it, and I don't think I'd ignore all of the obvious signs that things are going badly. However, if it was bad chance and it were just me versus the bogeyman, I don't think I'd have much chance.
ZOMBIES!
There are two distinct type of zombies. There are the slow, meandering zombies that only eat you if you are A. napping, B. in a coma, C. caught by a whole swarm of them, D. trapped in a corner. I tend to think I could probably work this one out. Kind of like Shaun of the Dead, they really don't seem that hard to avoid.
Then there are the fast rabid zombie types, as in 28 Days Later. I'd be completely doomed here. No chance. I'd be either a pile of somewhat human resembling remains or a zombie myself.
Giant Monsters attacking the City!
This is the Godzilla/Cloverfield type creature. I'd put my odds at a good 50/50 here as well. Bad luck if Godzilla rampages through your apartment, not much you can do about that. But I'm pretty good at getting the hell out of cities on foot if need be. So I think I have a chance.
Apocalypse.
50/50 once again, just for the fact of not getting killed in the initial wave of destruction. Afterwards, it's usually about survival. I put my odds fairly decently on that one if surviving to that point. I have a lot of endurance when needed.
Alien/Robot Invasion.
Probably goes down to a 20/80 here. Curiosity would totally kill this cat. I'd just have to take a look at what the hell was going on. I'm not good in a fight either and don't know how to use any weaponry to speak of. The only way I'd make it was if luck was on my side.
Natural Disaster.
70/30 here. This is primarily about survival and not being stupid so I think my odds are pretty damn good.
Military Strike!
10/90. Myself versus someone with a gun. That is the same as "Me equals dead".
Viral Outbreak.
40/60. There's only so much you can do about these things. I think I have a pretty good immune system and have decent odds. I have three kids and have been exposed to an untold number of diseases already.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Jobs I would never do.
There are many things that I would never consider doing for a living.
1. Actor - I don't do well performing in front of people. I had to take an acting class in college and it was the hardest class for me that year. Not my thing.
2. Fisherman - Having never really been on a boat other than a ferry and being scared half to death while my dad rowed a canoe around a lake, this doesn't sound like fun.
3. Athlete - If you know me at all, exercise is not something I'm into. My cousin is trying to talk me into running a marathon. I tried to politely explain that I don't run unless I'm being chased by some sort of wild animal trying to eat me.
4. Politician - Even politics in the workplace bothers the shit out of me. I can't imagine doing it full time.
5. Military Personnel - I like to argue with people. I have a feeling that wouldn't go over well.
6. Diver - See my article about fears to read how I don't swim in water that contains creatures.
7. Pest Control - Bugs. Ew.
8. Air Traffic Controller - Too much stress.
9. Pilot - See Air Traffic Controller.
10. Teacher - I love my kids, but I sure as heck stopped at 3 for a reason. Having 20 + kids in front of me all day is not a good idea.
11. Farmer - I like animals, but they make lots of poop and smell.
12. Rodeo Clown - Taunting bulls? No thank you.
13. Astronaut - I've seen a show on the crazy toilet they have to use.
14. Chef - Cooking is a necessity to me, nothing more. (And yes, this does explain why I'm not very good at it.)
1. Actor - I don't do well performing in front of people. I had to take an acting class in college and it was the hardest class for me that year. Not my thing.
2. Fisherman - Having never really been on a boat other than a ferry and being scared half to death while my dad rowed a canoe around a lake, this doesn't sound like fun.
3. Athlete - If you know me at all, exercise is not something I'm into. My cousin is trying to talk me into running a marathon. I tried to politely explain that I don't run unless I'm being chased by some sort of wild animal trying to eat me.
4. Politician - Even politics in the workplace bothers the shit out of me. I can't imagine doing it full time.
5. Military Personnel - I like to argue with people. I have a feeling that wouldn't go over well.
6. Diver - See my article about fears to read how I don't swim in water that contains creatures.
7. Pest Control - Bugs. Ew.
8. Air Traffic Controller - Too much stress.
9. Pilot - See Air Traffic Controller.
10. Teacher - I love my kids, but I sure as heck stopped at 3 for a reason. Having 20 + kids in front of me all day is not a good idea.
11. Farmer - I like animals, but they make lots of poop and smell.
12. Rodeo Clown - Taunting bulls? No thank you.
13. Astronaut - I've seen a show on the crazy toilet they have to use.
14. Chef - Cooking is a necessity to me, nothing more. (And yes, this does explain why I'm not very good at it.)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
What's next?
Time for some deep thoughts... too bad I'm not skilled like Jack Handy.
Regardless, here are my thoughts on death, or more specifically life after death.
There are many a theory about what happens next. I mean there has to be a sequel right? There's always a sequel! From reincarnation to heaven or the dreaded limbo, there's somewhere to go. Well, these theories are all based on the main idea of having a soul. What is a soul? There really is no standard definition, but most agree that dogs can't have one. So, there's this thing, that we humans have (because we are SO much cooler than monkeys) that makes us different and special (just like Mommy always told us). You can't see it or smell or taste it. Maybe it's made from Iocane powder. Just this unmeasurable, undetectable energy that separates the "real" us from our crappy bodies. OK, well not all of us have crappy bodies, but eventually they all turn to shit, so don't argue with me just yet.
If we can all agree on this soul thing, then when the crappy body it's contained in dies and rots, it has to go somewhere. Because staying in the dieing rotting corpse would royally suck. So where does it go?
Heaven is such a nice idea. For the basis of this article I will stick to Christian theories about this, but if you really look at it, most religions are almost the same with this one. So God, has this awesome place (because he's GOD) and if you are super super good, you can hang with him when you die. There is no pain, no disease, no want for anything. Everybody you know that has died (and wasn't sent the other direction) is waiting just for you, GROUP HUG!! Sounds lovely right?
Sounds like a nightmare to me. I don't really want to hang out with a bunch of people that never did anything remotely interesting in their lives. And not having to want things? Then what in Heaven do you do with your time? If everything is perfect, wouldn't it be obscenely boring?
Then there's that reversal of fortune, Hell. Which, as much as it might not be boring, doesn't sound pleasant at all. I don't need to reiterate all the lovely images that go along with this scene, but I think it's sufficient to say that it probably smells pretty horrible down there.
LIMBO! Honestly, if it was playing the stupid Limbo game for eternity it would be just as bad in my opinion. But it's just nothing. However, you get to be conscious of the nothing. The worst torture of all. Sounds worse than Hell to me. At least in Hell you might get to see some of you long lost friends from college (even if they are being flayed at the time).
Then there's that altruistic reincarnation theory. Sounds great! Get to come back again and again, and different each time! Even get that whole karma thing going so if you were an asshat you could come back as a dung beetle. If you were awesome you could be a UNICORN! OK, maybe not a unicorn, but that would be great. Problem is that your odds are much better at coming back as a cockroach or a mosquito since there's only so many damn unicorns out there, er tigers or whatever it is that you actually wanted to be... And honestly, how do you know that being a tiger is really all that? Maybe tigers only eat people because they are jealous and miserable that their life sucks so much?
Ghosts! So you can maybe come back and be the best peeping tom of all time! You can see them, they can't see you unless you try really really hard. You can scare the poop right out of teenagers just for fun. At least it wouldn't be tiresome. This definitely sounds like the best option so far.
I don't have any answers. Just thoughts. I tend to think that the odds are greatly against any of the above being accurate in any way. But there's only one way to find out, and I'm not ready.
Regardless, here are my thoughts on death, or more specifically life after death.
There are many a theory about what happens next. I mean there has to be a sequel right? There's always a sequel! From reincarnation to heaven or the dreaded limbo, there's somewhere to go. Well, these theories are all based on the main idea of having a soul. What is a soul? There really is no standard definition, but most agree that dogs can't have one. So, there's this thing, that we humans have (because we are SO much cooler than monkeys) that makes us different and special (just like Mommy always told us). You can't see it or smell or taste it. Maybe it's made from Iocane powder. Just this unmeasurable, undetectable energy that separates the "real" us from our crappy bodies. OK, well not all of us have crappy bodies, but eventually they all turn to shit, so don't argue with me just yet.
If we can all agree on this soul thing, then when the crappy body it's contained in dies and rots, it has to go somewhere. Because staying in the dieing rotting corpse would royally suck. So where does it go?
Heaven is such a nice idea. For the basis of this article I will stick to Christian theories about this, but if you really look at it, most religions are almost the same with this one. So God, has this awesome place (because he's GOD) and if you are super super good, you can hang with him when you die. There is no pain, no disease, no want for anything. Everybody you know that has died (and wasn't sent the other direction) is waiting just for you, GROUP HUG!! Sounds lovely right?
Sounds like a nightmare to me. I don't really want to hang out with a bunch of people that never did anything remotely interesting in their lives. And not having to want things? Then what in Heaven do you do with your time? If everything is perfect, wouldn't it be obscenely boring?
Then there's that reversal of fortune, Hell. Which, as much as it might not be boring, doesn't sound pleasant at all. I don't need to reiterate all the lovely images that go along with this scene, but I think it's sufficient to say that it probably smells pretty horrible down there.
LIMBO! Honestly, if it was playing the stupid Limbo game for eternity it would be just as bad in my opinion. But it's just nothing. However, you get to be conscious of the nothing. The worst torture of all. Sounds worse than Hell to me. At least in Hell you might get to see some of you long lost friends from college (even if they are being flayed at the time).
Then there's that altruistic reincarnation theory. Sounds great! Get to come back again and again, and different each time! Even get that whole karma thing going so if you were an asshat you could come back as a dung beetle. If you were awesome you could be a UNICORN! OK, maybe not a unicorn, but that would be great. Problem is that your odds are much better at coming back as a cockroach or a mosquito since there's only so many damn unicorns out there, er tigers or whatever it is that you actually wanted to be... And honestly, how do you know that being a tiger is really all that? Maybe tigers only eat people because they are jealous and miserable that their life sucks so much?
Ghosts! So you can maybe come back and be the best peeping tom of all time! You can see them, they can't see you unless you try really really hard. You can scare the poop right out of teenagers just for fun. At least it wouldn't be tiresome. This definitely sounds like the best option so far.
I don't have any answers. Just thoughts. I tend to think that the odds are greatly against any of the above being accurate in any way. But there's only one way to find out, and I'm not ready.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
No more Paula.
So Paula Abdul has left American Idol. Reportedly because they wouldn't give her a 50% increase in salary (she's mad that Ryan Seacrest makes more than her). Since they already paid her millions, I really can't feel bad about this.
So now the debate is on. Will AI lose out without her? I say no. Personally, I'm glad she left. In the beginning her odd diatribes and nonsensical banter was amusing. It got tiring really fast. I, like many others, had taken to fast forwarding through her ramblings anyhow. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Kara DioGuardi, but at least she has some sort of point when she speaks. She is not very good at filling in with the something nice has to be said routine, but she tries.
Should be interesting, I'm sure they will have some interesting new guest judges this season.
So now the debate is on. Will AI lose out without her? I say no. Personally, I'm glad she left. In the beginning her odd diatribes and nonsensical banter was amusing. It got tiring really fast. I, like many others, had taken to fast forwarding through her ramblings anyhow. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Kara DioGuardi, but at least she has some sort of point when she speaks. She is not very good at filling in with the something nice has to be said routine, but she tries.
Should be interesting, I'm sure they will have some interesting new guest judges this season.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Memories
It's odd how the brain works. I knew a guy named Chester Bennington in high school. Even dated him (don't get in a tizzy, it was that high-school kind of dating that really means nothing), we were friends and in theater together. Now let me get this clear - I am not name dropping, this is an example. Knowing someone that became famous that I haven't seen in 17 years doesn't make me any better than any of you. Knowing how to spell makes me better than you :) My street cred will remain at zero.
The only reason I am even writing this article, is that as of late the radio plays their new song frequently. So it ends up on my mind.
Anyhow, if you don't know, it turns out that he became the lead singer of a band called Linkin Park. I don't listen to them other than the radio, I am not a fan of their music. In fact, I didn't know that Chester was their singer until about 8 months ago. But I digress. The point of this whole meandering tale is that now that I know I can recognize his voice on the radio. (I still don't listen to their music other than by chance.) Now, I haven't seen him in 17 years. But my brain can definitively pick out his voice. The part that I find ultimately amusing, is that I picture him as he looked 17 years ago. Curly hair, slightly shorter than me, adorable. Not exactly the same image he has now. I will always picture him dressed up with a straw hat singing in our production of Oklahoma.
A lot of back story for a simple thing that I find boggling. The mind works in very odd ways. I couldn't find my house keys for two days (they were in my pants pocket that I had worn two days previously). Yet I can pick a voice out that I haven't heard in nearly two decades. I know smells are often stuck in the long term memories. Fascinates me. That's all.
OK. A really long story for a short sum-up at the end. Sorry. Regardless, there it is.
In case this minuscule story somehow gets back to Chester (it won't). Congratulations on your success and the new song (as Sean told me it would be) is much better than your older stuff in my worthless opinion. :)
The only reason I am even writing this article, is that as of late the radio plays their new song frequently. So it ends up on my mind.
Anyhow, if you don't know, it turns out that he became the lead singer of a band called Linkin Park. I don't listen to them other than the radio, I am not a fan of their music. In fact, I didn't know that Chester was their singer until about 8 months ago. But I digress. The point of this whole meandering tale is that now that I know I can recognize his voice on the radio. (I still don't listen to their music other than by chance.) Now, I haven't seen him in 17 years. But my brain can definitively pick out his voice. The part that I find ultimately amusing, is that I picture him as he looked 17 years ago. Curly hair, slightly shorter than me, adorable. Not exactly the same image he has now. I will always picture him dressed up with a straw hat singing in our production of Oklahoma.
A lot of back story for a simple thing that I find boggling. The mind works in very odd ways. I couldn't find my house keys for two days (they were in my pants pocket that I had worn two days previously). Yet I can pick a voice out that I haven't heard in nearly two decades. I know smells are often stuck in the long term memories. Fascinates me. That's all.
OK. A really long story for a short sum-up at the end. Sorry. Regardless, there it is.
In case this minuscule story somehow gets back to Chester (it won't). Congratulations on your success and the new song (as Sean told me it would be) is much better than your older stuff in my worthless opinion. :)
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