Days 23 to 31

Yes, it really has been so bad that I only need to update this job search weekly. Got two promising emails today. One I have responded to already. The other one, I called and the job is in Tampa, Florida. You would think they would put that sort of important information in the description. Frustration is at an all time high right now. Otherwise, I searched all sites (as I do every work day) and sent out two more resumes, there are almost no new postings on most of the sites. I had a call the other day for a job that paid well, but it was so part time and the hours expected were so limited, it wasn't any good.

This economy is bad. Worse than the Great Depression. What will they call it in the History Books? The ZOMG EVEN WORSE DEPRESSION?

Sigh. On on...

21-22

More of the same. This is seriously monotonous and tedious.

I just used three words with 'ous' in them in one sentence. Awesome.

If anything actually eventful happens anytime in the future. I'll post it! I am just as tired of posting that nothing happened as you are of reading it.

number 19 and 20

No new posts today. No calls yet. This is getting highly frustrating. I'm applying for jobs both at my skill level and under, and nothing. It's hard to be motivated when faced with a huge seemingly unsurpassable blank wall.

On on.....

days 11 through 18

No update because 1. nothing happened and 2. my laptop decided it was a good time to have hardware failure (warranty expired on Jan 22nd) so YAY.

Anyhow, in that entire week I recieved zero phone calls and found two possible posting which I sent resumes too. That's it.

The job market is the worst I've ever seen it. I cannot seem to get even a crappy tech support job.

Sigh.

days nine and ten

nine was so unmentionable, there. nothing to say.

No new posts today that pay anything. I could make more answering phones. No phone calls for me. Nothing.

meh

Day eight

Forgot to update last night, so here it is.

No new postings, one good phonecall. This is a quick one, so I should hear this week if I have an interview set up. Sounds like a sort of boring job, but always hard to tell from the recruiters descriptions. And it's a good company, so that helps quite a bit. Plus, I need a job. That helps the most!

Anyhow. I will keep up the checking later today and post for day nine.

depression

I've always battled with depression. I have never had a good self image. Never thought much good about myself, although I've always tried to be a good person to others. Just not to myself. Well, it's come around. I had my worst nightmares (literally - I have had nightmares about this) come real this weekend at the dentist. I let problems get far out of control. I was in permanent denial. If it doesn't hurt it can't be that bad right? Then it gets that bad, then I was convinced I couldn't afford to take care of it, and still didn't hurt - so push off till later. Well, I'm finally being somewhat mature about it, and doing it, no matter how much it costs and how much it hurts. I have been ashamed about my teeth for such a long time, I just stopped even thinking about them. Now I'm ashamed in many more ways. This is very much my fault. Being afraid wasn't a good reason not to handle it in the first place. Now everyone knows and I feel like an super sized ass. I can't imagine anyone thinking anything good about me right now. I've fucked up, royally, caused my family a huge debt, let alone the shame I get to feel. I'm doing it now though, hurts like a bitch too. The pain I can handle, the part I have a hard time with is that when the dentist is doing the drilling and filling and whatnot, I can't swallow and I feel like I'm drowning. The hurt is more emotional than physical. I hate myself for letting this happen. I hate what I've done to others, when I always try to make sure I never do that. Sometimes when you think harm to yourself is better than harm to others, you are still harming the others.

Hopefully, I can get past this. My teeth will be fixed soon. I am going no matter how terrified I am every time I show up. No matter how much I know the dentist and people I know think I'm a retard when they see what needs to be done. I am officially reaping what I've sown.